Shiny Dandelions: God Loves Me!

As a Shiny Dandelion, many times my thoughts are all over the place – ha-ha many times – all the time! The words “anyhow” & “anyway” will be used frequently in my writing, as I rein myself in and get back on topic.

I read a lot; books, magazines, blogs. The librarians know which books are mine on the reserve shelf without me having to ask for them AND I have a multi-county library card. (sigh) Some of the blogs I read are the Happiness Project, First Ourselves, and LifeHacker – lots of adult ADHD information, mental health, creative writing, productivity and organizational sites.

Anyhow – The first assignment was to ask those closest to you to make a list of at least 7 attributes that they love about you. One friend wrote “you’re funny as s*@t.” I take that as a compliment, I think. Another friend wrote in her response – “beautiful – but especially if V’s anywhere near.” I thought about how I feel about myself when he's around and how it changes my appearance, my countenance. The thought of it made me blush.

First thing this morning I thought, why can’t I generate that warmed-up-inside, bright belief in my own sense of who I am feeling within myself? Should I be able to? V or any person, not matter the relationship, is not promised to always be around. When else do you feel this sensation? I turned the feelings and ideas over in my head to see when else I experience it – the feeling of being loved or adored - like when someone who loved you as a child comes to visit you as an adult.

In their presence you shine, almost preen, because they LOVE you. They tell stories about how good or bad you were when you were little, they’re proud of who you’ve become, what you’re accomplished. It stops just short of worship, even though these people also know your flaws. Even after they leave, for awhile, you still feel like you’re glowing with specialness. Then, it’s back to the "real world."

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2

I live in a world that is constantly telling me what’s wrong with me. Even if I were the perfect weight for my height, made more money, and had umpteen degrees, society tells me I’m the wrong color, too dark, fix that hair (one of my best attributes, BTW), too old, never married, middle-aged, feet too big – Sometime I feel like big plastic rubber plant – in the corner never dusted. I filter out what I can - (God bless my Gran), but the loudspeaker is always playing just outside my window.

Then, factor in the ADD – you MUST learn to stay “under the radar,” stay out of trouble at home and at work. Why can’t you keep your room clean??? What’s WRONG with you?? If you’re ADD you’re usually disorganized, messy. Here’s a lovely article that says if you’re messy and overweight at work you’re perceived as a low achiever, not as valuable, no matter your work product. Why can’t you be LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?

Now, I'm made in the image of God, but with my turbo wiring I can’t be like everybody else. I can improve and learn to work around my circuitry for my best good, but be like everyone else??? Do I really want that?? I like my quirks, except the ones that cause big problems. The loudspeaker's message plays incessantly - it’s in my head, and it’s in writing – it’s even on the Internet. Anyway…………

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2

My mind buzzes and in the course of a few seconds I run through – Why can’t I love myself like that? Do I have to? God loves me like that. He loves everyone like that. He’d love me like that if I was the only one here. So you say. It’s not like V, it’s…………………isn’t God’s love perfect?

But God doesn’t say so……………………

Look, buzzing brain, God writes how much He loves me all around the Bible. (It’s always better when who loves you writes it down so you can show it to people, instead of only saying for only you to hear – what am I 16?).

God loves me. I’m praying to be able to wrap my head around in a more personal way; for Him to renew my mind. I want to see myself as He sees me. His love towards me is infinitesimally greater and better and more perfect than V’s.

“Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” Isaiah 49:16

“God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will.

Expect love, love, and more love!” Jeremiah 31

“For this is what the LORD Almighty says…………………for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye.” Zechariah 2:8

“I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” Jeremiah 29:11

“What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we're called children of God! That's who we really are. But that's also why the world doesn't recognize us or take us seriously, because it has no idea who He is or what He's up to.” 1 John 3:1 (MSG)

“As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.” Isaiah 62:5

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3

“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” Matthew 10:30

And you KNOW this list is incomplete.

God speaks to me mostly through the written word and the spoken word. What I’ve been hearing/reading most recently is that God calls me to be holy (dedicated to Him alone). In turn, as I become more like Him, the holiness gives me Joy (makes me happy?).

You know, I could begin a Holiness project. How’s that going to work for me? I don’t know but I’m willing to see. To start, I’m going to put God’s list of how He feels about me and why He loves me at the top of my Holiness Project assignment first, and then I’ll list my other “sisters'” loving words.

In humility, I’ll remind you of my distractibility and elicit your kindness and your grace, in my rambling and lack of posting. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Here's a place where you can get a good idea of how God feels about you - http://www.ficm.org/whoami.htm

What I’m Reading